Help
Sign In
ganesh baba
November 2009 
Picking up the pieces
Posted on Sep 7th, 2007
by 
Eve
Eve
The karmic balance in my life seems to be getting more and more sensitive.
I got slammed almost instantly after I shared that story about my parents leaving with one suitcase. Tell others to be ready to leave everything behind? Here's a sample what it feels like, says the great scale to me:
A few days ago the cursor on my laptop took on a life of its own. The Genius at the Genius Bar did this and that but two days later the problem was back and worse. It turned out to be a hard drive issue. No problem, we can transfer all your data and give you a new hard drive, they told me.
But yesterday when I brought the computer home, a little was saved, but most my work was gone. I had backed up the most irreproducible document, my new Mythaca book, and my photos, and .Mac had backed up my address book and other data until about 6 months ago when my allotment of space there was filled, but everything on my dektop is gone, including the first hundred or so pages of the Baba book I was working on. That's the biggest loss.
Ironically, some 26 or 27 years ago, I was working on the same book with Baba himself. We would sit at the typewriter, he making a million changes that I had to fix with white-out. Whole pages were pulled out of the typewriter and thrown away. We started over and over again.
Sometimes the publisher came up from New York to work with us. More than once we spent a whole weekend on two or three pages. When it was time for Ehud to leave and the few pages we'd finished were as good as they were going to get, we'd sit by the fire and Baba would read through the pages one last time. As often as not, he'd find something to rant about and before we could stop him, he'd toss the pages into the fire.
Once more, the pages are tossed into the fire, along with my attachment, the pride and ego I had invested in that work.
So, I will begin again.
I got slammed almost instantly after I shared that story about my parents leaving with one suitcase. Tell others to be ready to leave everything behind? Here's a sample what it feels like, says the great scale to me:
A few days ago the cursor on my laptop took on a life of its own. The Genius at the Genius Bar did this and that but two days later the problem was back and worse. It turned out to be a hard drive issue. No problem, we can transfer all your data and give you a new hard drive, they told me.
But yesterday when I brought the computer home, a little was saved, but most my work was gone. I had backed up the most irreproducible document, my new Mythaca book, and my photos, and .Mac had backed up my address book and other data until about 6 months ago when my allotment of space there was filled, but everything on my dektop is gone, including the first hundred or so pages of the Baba book I was working on. That's the biggest loss.
Ironically, some 26 or 27 years ago, I was working on the same book with Baba himself. We would sit at the typewriter, he making a million changes that I had to fix with white-out. Whole pages were pulled out of the typewriter and thrown away. We started over and over again.
Sometimes the publisher came up from New York to work with us. More than once we spent a whole weekend on two or three pages. When it was time for Ehud to leave and the few pages we'd finished were as good as they were going to get, we'd sit by the fire and Baba would read through the pages one last time. As often as not, he'd find something to rant about and before we could stop him, he'd toss the pages into the fire.
Once more, the pages are tossed into the fire, along with my attachment, the pride and ego I had invested in that work.
So, I will begin again.
Access: Public
OMG:
I am sorry this happened Eve! I am finding the karmic balance also very iffy as of late…but you were sharing a very vital piece of history and human suffering…I do not think this should have come back to bite you.
that being said….I thank you for sharing it…please know that your story did impact others in a positive way and you do not deserve any type of karmic boomerang for it!
Sending love and strength….in all..
aley
Thanks - I appreciate the support!
It's my karma though, my attachment to the “high” point-of-view I take while telling stories like that.
Humility, humility, humility.
It was quite a summer for burning off karma. I hope things lighten up as the fall comes in, but I am trying not to have any expectations at all.
please check this out: http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/
For Sept 6th. Reminds me of your post.
That's an amazing blog, really heartfelt. That's what it must have been like for my parents, yes.
You know, it occurs to me that when my mother told me those stories, she must have been finished grieving, or else she just wasn't letting herself feel the pain.
The way she told it, leaving was almost easy, a great adventure. I remember having just read Anne Frank for the first time, and asking her how she and my father had escaped the concentration camps. “We read the writing on the wall,” she answered. “We got out before things got bad.” And then came the one suitcase story. It all seemed so simple.
But of course it isn't, because the only way through is through the heart. If you don't feel it, you miss the kernel of wisdom the experience imparts.
Thanks so much for the link, Aley.